Invasion of the Man Snatchers


Man snatcher

The growing army of Tiger Woods’ mistresses emerging from the woodwork, alleging various sexual liaisons may have escaped your attention recently. So in a bid to be topical, this entry will attempt to tackle the vexed issue of women who make a habit of selecting men who are already ‘taken’. Note that I am deliberately making a distinction between women who happen to be involved with a man who is already in a relationship, as opposed to those who specifically select men on the basis that they are attached – there is a difference. It is easy to conceive how any woman can become attracted to an attached man and an involvement (regardless of any moral considerations) can occur. However it is somehow less forgivable when a woman selects attached men as her modus operandi.

I am writing this article with a residual reluctance to do so; rooted in the desire to dismiss the subject as trivial, as it highlights a pettiness in the female psyche which has a negative effect on how we relate to each other, along with highlighting the other less desirable ‘feminine’ traits often ascribed to us such as bitchiness and being ‘over emotional’. Yet the recognition of this as a sticky issue is the very reason for its relevance.

An Illustration

Recently at a party, a woman (let’s call her Woman A’) had arrived with her very good looking boyfriend; which had not escaped my attention, as I have a healthy appreciation for gorgeous men. However, it did not follow from my logic to try to seduce him – after all, the world is teeming with men, so why would I behave as if hers was the only one I can get…

Unfortunately, another woman at the party (Let’s call her ‘Woman B’) thought differently and spent most of the evening draping herself around Woman A’s boyfriend and laughing, to the point of near hysteria at almost every half-hearted joke he made (because by then, he was quite embarrassed by her attention). Woman A relayed all of this to a group of us women, in a state of suppressed fury, adding that Woman B was actually a friend of hers  and saying that she did not want to appear ‘threatened’ by her friend’s behaviour as Woman B had ‘self-esteem issues’ and ‘did this all the time’. As I listened, I was struck the most by the wearied familiarity amongst the group of listening women with the scenario Woman A was describing.

So why do they do it?

I can only speculate in a broad sense, but in the situation described above, Woman A was clearly aware of why her friend constantly resorted to such behaviour but sought to overlook it for the sake of preserving their friendship by avoiding confrontation. While it is still very much the case that a woman’s attractiveness to men is valued as a measure of her worth, women like ‘B’ buy into this sense of currency wholesale, to the extent that they will engage in direct competition with other women –  even to the detriment of friendship – to reinforce her own self worth.

Deriving satisfaction from a ‘victory’ over other women suggests a contempt towards other women and relationships, which ultimately reflects upon herself. All she is doing is merely projecting her feelings about herself and her worthiness regarding a relationship of her own, onto the world; for making a habit of selecting men who are ‘unavailable’ has very much to do with the woman being unavailable herself.

The Justification

She may even frame her lack of belief in relationships in a positive context, justifying her actions by believing that she is merely exposing the sham that a relationship might appear to be, thus doing everyone a favour, by exploding the myth of the love and intimacy that most of us desire.

Disturbingly, her ‘justification’ touches upon a belief that is held widely among women; that all men are potential cheats and cannot be fully trusted to enable their sense of fidelity to override their libido, when a ‘Woman B’-shaped opportunity comes sashaying his way. Tiger Woods, according to many, didn’t stand a chance, for the mere fact often alluded to in discussions I have had with both male and female friends, that ‘he is a man’.

And this is the niggling question at the heart of this issue; do we believe it’s about her power to seduce, or his inability to resist?


  1. by Sabine On December 15, 2009 at 15:09

    Well, in the case of Tiger Woods, it may only be fame that attracts women and not the fact that he is attached to someone else.

  2. by Joan On December 17, 2009 at 21:15

    The sexual venn diagram of the genders bulges in the ‘middle bit’, despite the fact that sex is a gloriously random and subjective excelerator of the senses. However, social perception usually looks more favourably ( or it least, without distaste) on men. Re; the ‘niggling question’: – everything is a ‘power game’ it winning a smile or getting a greasedown and a shiat-zu, for the price of being gorgeous, charming or just normal. Anyone who is attractive will get attention…We aren;t all Explorers and its sometimes comforting that someone has given a seal of approval for our next destination ( although it might bug us later). At a base level both men AND women are as faithful as their options. If your in love, you will appreciate the attention and the sex will get better and better

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